My background
As a child, I frequently felt unsafe in my home environment and the society in which I was growing up. I used hypervigilance, distraction and shutdown as my main survival strategies. Like most children, I developed ways of protecting myself from pain by turning away from certain feelings, sensations and thoughts. I learned to hide my true feelings and bury them deep down, away from the dangers of exposure. I became an expert at disconnecting from my body (where most of my true feelings resided) and started ‘living in the head’. This act of severing my head from my heart helped me to survive but it also made me deeply unhappy. One could say that I became an expert at surviving, at the expense of fully living.
Later in life I encountered the path of psychotherapy. The therapeutic encounter showed me that it was possible to gradually open to another person in an atmosphere of a safe and trusting relationship. The warmth of our authentic connection and the reliability of the therapeutic space allowed me to come into contact with my wounds but without feeling overwhelmed by them. I was able to grieve what needed to be grieved and connect to my positive emotions of joy, playfulness and natural confidence, which I had repressed. This felt like coming home again. Most importantly, I learned that it was possible to respect, honour and care for all of my feelings, including the painful and distressing ones.
Alongside my interest in psychotherapy, I have been practising meditation for over thirty years. My Buddhist training showed me that my perception powerfully determines how I respond to any situation. As my capacity grew to fully immerse myself in the experience of the present moment, I started to see that pushing away unpleasant experiences and trying to hold onto pleasant experiences wasn’t absolutely necessary for my survival.
It is my aim to draw on these insights and create an atmosphere of genuine contact, fruitful enquiry and playful exploration for those who decide to work with me.
Read more about my therapeutic style.